ways to get my attention…

email me: leemelillobusiness@gmail.com

dm me: instagram.com/leemelillo

or try this easy-to-follow recipe:

ingredients list:

  1. 800g of Appa from Avatar: the Last Airbender plushies.

  2. One signed playbill from the 2014 Broadway revival of Les Misérables.

  3. Two Iced Lavender Coconut Matcha Lattes w/Skim Milk from Brookside Market.

  4. One Valid CT Driver’s License you have literally never used, ever.

  5. 7 failed drafts of a thank-you note for the assistant stage manager of that play you directed in 2019.

  6. 5 fl oz of tears shed over the Great Comet cast recording when you were 16.

cooking instructions:

  1. Blend wet ingredients on medium intensity whilst astral projecting to Aaron Tveit’s rendition of “Run Away With Me” from The Radio In My Head - Live at 54 Below, as I have done daily since its release in September 2013.

  2. Tenderize dry ingredients with a mallet as you scroll through the Sunnyside, Queens community Facebook groups, getting yourself up to date on all the latest neighborhood drama. Arbitrarily pick a side in a heated debate about parking spaces, even though you do not own a car.

  3. Pre-heat $26 mint green air fryer to 350 F.

  4. Combine wet and dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl, using a pair of free chopsticks you received as a gift from the Long Island City H-Mart opening, because you’re scared to confront your roommate about doing the dishes.

  5. Once mixture resembles a gelatinous monster from a 1940s horror film, pour into air fryer and set timer for 45 minutes.

  6. Attempt to answer emails in the interim. Fail. Watch 20 minutes of a video where Keith from The Try Guys eats every food sold at Disneyland, then promptly fall asleep.

  7. Wake up 5 hours later once the sun has set, mourn the fact that you’ve slept another day away. Allow the Horrors to run rampant, briefly, then force yourself out of bed. Eat one (1) serving of fruit and convince yourself that this is enough for you to regain control over your life. Order a new yoga mat on Amazon. Convince yourself you will get into pilates this month. Create an expense-tracking sheet on Excel. Reach out to old friends. Wonder why you even wanted to contact me, an unenlightened being, in the first place. Throw out the air fryer, bemused at your own folly. Move on. Travel abroad. Grab life by the horns and never look back at this godforsaken place. Live, goddammit, LIVE!!!

  8. Experience one (1) minor inconvenience and order $40 worth of Taco Bell on UberEats. Hide your new yoga mat under your bed to assuage your guilt. As you plow through your Cheesy Gordita Crunch, remember the dark, secret reason why you wanted to reach out to me.

  9. Go to leemelillo.com/contact and either email me or dm me on the provided accounts. Why were those options not good enough for you the first time?

  10. Serve over rice.